Today I finally resolved the issue with my diploma; the administration simply forgot to mail it despite the mailing fee that I paid. This degree, granted on August 31, 2007, one year and three days after enrolling, symbolizes the completion of the second step of my training to become a mediocre scientist. Now all that remains is for me to complete my Ph. D. as quickly as I can so I can leave Philadelphia for good (good riddance!), detach myself from the paper mill, and start doing my own research again.