It’s sad that even now, people still assume I chase after money (a variation being the assumption that I am involved in my Ph. D. for the purpose of getting a job rather than learning), concern myself with superficial appearances, like parties, think socialization is the optimal use of time, get drunk, disdain hard work, etc. Perhaps the worst mistake of all is that they think I care about what “communities” I’m a part of and what they think of me, because this tends to create a fundamental difference between us that cannot be reconciled, as the collective thought of the community is substituted for their own. (“Pack:Wolf::Community:Human”. Does the fact that I can’t follow make me an alpha? Or just a lone wolf? Hmm… I guess it depends on how well I can lead)

It’s quite clearly the result of a projection of one’s own values onto another, since having values that differ from one’s own is a deviation (and we all know that, to those who have not disintegrated from society, deviations represent a threat to one’s own personal integrity because they call the values of the entire group into question). The assumption that a person possesses the specific values in question becomes the subjective definition of “normal” – “normal” people chase money (probably because they are unable and/or unwilling to make a more direct and substantive contribution to the well being of their societies, because they…), avoid working at all costs, are all social butterflies, love to drink, choose mates based only on superficial qualities, see only the surface of things in general, etc.

These types of people also tend to stop growing around their mid-teen years (the transition is rather abrupt, peer driven, and absolutely palpable), fail to even retain the amount of knowledge that they left school with (which is why 85% of Americans cannot find Iraq on a map and 11% can’t find the USA on a map), much less seek more, remain bound to the will of others their entire lives, and finally realize what they’ve missed only when society finally releases them because they’re too old to be of use to their masters – and too old to enjoy their newfound freedom. Having relied upon others to make their decisions their entire lives, the natural course when they are finally free to think is to retreat from this state, abandoning all purpose in exchange for a sort of sensory hedonism. The second factor retreats in favor of the first for those who have never experienced the third. They leave the world little better than they entered it, their only victories zero-sum economic conquests, and yet they call that success.

Yet in my own way, I am also a slave. Why do I do research? Well, part of it is my own interest, but a great deal of it is dedication to the betterment of society – the very society that has made me such a pariah; made my life so difficult, denied giving me the very ability to better it in the name of the community! By doing what I do, I enable others to better control me. If I were an Objectivist, I would be a hypocrite. I suppose one distinction is my wish to extricate myself from society as much as possible while simultaneously pursuing the research that interests me. However, I think the primary factor is my dedication to a more ideal society. I harbor no love for the society of the present, but I can only hope that things will change and can only direct my research accordingly.